Wordless Wednesday

Except this is to say - this is the reason I'm in a funk about Boogle's situation right now... There are animals to be patting all around him, other children interested in these hungry, furry creatures... and he's more interested in his ball & his hat... :(

Festivals - A time for celebration, a time for learning, a time for grieving.

So, this morning Shukun, Boogle, Wriggle & I went to the Eid ul-Fitr festival.  It was to celebrate the end of Ramadan.  The month where fasting is intended to teach & remind Muslims about patience, humility, and spirituality.

And it's here, amongst a crowd of hundreds who are celebrating that month long work, that I feel so alone & really see Boogle again - not just as my son, as my little man who makes my day brighter, but as I compare him to other children his age - where he fits in the world.  Here's where I re-learn my lessons about patience & humility.

I'm ready for the diagnosis now - I'm ready to hear the bad news - because now I've seen it for myself.


There amongst the animals & the dodgem cars & the ride-on ponies - I saw a little boy who was having issues. I watched him as he closely examined his hand slowly opening & closing - something he does a million times per day.  I watched him as he turned his back on these petting goats & concentrated on his ball rather than these animals who were willing to do *anything* for a mouthful of more food from the cups.  I watched him as he was not excited about a pony-ride - not able to understand what was happening as he was led up & down a simple path.

And I grieve for all of these things - of not being able to explain how exciting a horse-ride is, how nicely the goats were behaving or how they were pushing each other over for more food, how fun the dodgem car ride is... of not having the motherhood that so many mothers around me were having.

Apparently this is normal. To grieve & to feel this loss of potential parenting. To have all your parenting dreams smashed because you have to do what you *have* to do - not what you wanted or dreamed about doing.   So, today, like a lot of other days in the future to come... I'm going to allow myself to feel this loss & separation of have versus want.  And get back up on that horse & work harder tomorrow.

A letter to a Boogle

My darling Boogle,

This blog is now about you, about parenting, about life, about your younger sister, Wriggle, & how she develops & deal with life & also of your Daddy & I, but mostly about dealing with a child on the ASD spectrum.

Cause, my darling boy - you were unfortunately caught in the net of ASD.

And I use the word "unfortunately" rather loosely.

Because for everything that you are - NONE of that is "unfortunate".

You are loving & sweet & kind & funny & gentle (when you want to be) and your tantrums last all of 6 seconds. You're mostly a good sleeper and still have a 2hr afternoon nap (sometimes more, sometimes less), you love food & bananas & juice & books & your bear & Thomas & most of all, your Daddy. You want to learn lots & you want to hear "Good ______" lots more.

You like being rewarded with claps & kisses. You like learning new games. You LOVE being tickled. You love being squeezed till you can't breathe. You love being able to control your world - whether that be automatic doors or lights or opening/closing doors manually - you just want to control it... but it's never a "MUST" control - it's never the be all & end all - you NEVER throw tantrums that last more than 6 seconds.. (have I mentioned that already?)

I see "GV" children who throw these MONSTER tantrums - who slam doors & wail for HOURS - LOUDLY... and I know that's not you. That it's never been you & I hope it never will be you.

You have your negatives... you're speech is immature, you aren't toilet trained (yet), you can't do interactive play or imaginative play... (yet)... and now I can't think of any more...

But you LOVE your toys & your books. You love watching other children play. You squeal with delight when they play around you. You love cuddles & hugs & kisses & raspberry kisses & BIG hugs & rolling on the couch/floor with Daddy or getting up/down on the chair whilst I'm holding Wriggle.

You love banana milk & yoghurt & being able to feed yourself. You love the cats & being able to feed them. You LOVE rides in the car...

*laughs*

I remember when you were about 18 months old - you'd wake at o'god o'clock in the morning - one of us would stumble into your bedroom - you were awake & wanted to be up. Your first word... "Car?" *laughs* We'd say "no car now" and you'd be insistent "Car???" with this little high pitched squeak to the end of the word... You love nothing more than to get in that car & go ANYWHERE.

It hasn't changed & you still love outings.

The Reason for the title of this blog - an introductory post.

Unsung Hero lyrics

You sit in the shadows

You don't complain or criticize

And while the world may see me as a fool

They're not looking through your eyes

No questions asked, you're there when I need you

With a love that inspires me to be everything you deserve

Chorus:

Cause you're my unsung hero

And I know it's not easy to walk in your shoes

Day after day you continue to amaze me

Now I sing this song of love for you

While others long to steal the spotlight

You work your magic quietly

Cause you're not in it for the glory

The love you give comes naturally

I may not have much, but what I have I give to you

And this song that I sing is my gift

And I swear that I mean every word

Chorus

Chorus

Now I sing this song of love

For you

**************************

I can't listen to this song without crying & thinking of my Boogle. He IS my Unsung Hero. 

The chorus, the verses... it's all completely him. 

My Boogle is a little 3 year old boy who is on the spectrum - we're not sure "where" - we're in the middle of testing right now.  But I wanted to blog his journey – because it’s going to be an interesting ride.

Whether it's PDD-NOS or Aspergers or Autsim - who really knows??  

But we're in the middle of testing.

I've been inspired by other blogging Mum/Mom's whose child is on the spectrum to blog.

And so here it is.  "You're My Unsung Hero"