Friday, October 8, 2010

984 steps to acceptance - I think I'm almost there...

So we went for our 3hr interview where the psychologist from TherapyACT asked us a million & 1 questions.  It got really clear, really quickly, that Boogle is that much more different from the rest of the "GV" children.

I am a mother whose son has Autism.

That's not as easy to say as I want it to be.  I want to be able to hold my head high & be ever so brave - to be brave & not shed a tear, not feel remorse or sadness or grief.  But I don't think I'm ready for that yet.  Even now, I'm sitting here, recalling the events of yesterday & I've got tears streaming down my face.

But it IS getting better... I was watching him this morning & the clear voice in my head said "Of course he has Autism.  Doesn't change who he is now, does it? But now there's other people to help... NOW there are things you can do to help him - so get over yourself & just do them!!"

It doesn't change how I feel about Boogle.  It makes me love & appreciate him all the more, really.  Because it's more clear that this is never going to "fix" itself - that clear speech is NOT a few months away - that this is the new reality that's not going to change.

I'm not choosing yesterday as our "DD" - we still don't have that vital piece of paper.  She simply said (when I asked if the Boogle was anywhere near the ballpark) that she had "concerns".  I believe this was her way of opening the door to "yes, he does - we think you're ready to hear that now!"

But I'm booking Boogle into Brindabella Hearing & Speech Centre today - as I know I'll get *that* piece of paper pretty soon.  Actually, pretty soon is Tuesday.  When we go for our final piece of assessment.  When we finally get that piece of paper - I can see it will start to move things along.  But I no longer hope & pray for a "normal" boy anymore. Just that he can a) be the best version of himself that he can be & b)that he'll be able to be self-sufficient in his adult years.  Because the latter scares me more than anything else, ever before.

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